oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
