my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
