I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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