that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cut my penus on the lid.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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