I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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