she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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