my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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