the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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