I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
