Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.