you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts