I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You made out with two different species that night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real