i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought