You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?