If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this