You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
