Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
