Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
