Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
