I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
