can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
