I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
