she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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