Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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