Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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