Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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