Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
