You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
