He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
