she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All the doctor said was why
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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