i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
