Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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