Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
