Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He shit in the fireplace
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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