Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
