I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
