I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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