If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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