the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
