It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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