My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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