she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize