Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My bed smells like the plague
how does that bad decision feel?
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