whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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