you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
