dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
