I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
