Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
