Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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