o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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