we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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