I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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