You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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