i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
