Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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