Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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