Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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