life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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