Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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